Why Does Nobody Love Me?

Hello blessed child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace, and I hope you’re ready to start a wonderful week in The Lord.
As for me, I’m fine thanks to God, and I’ve had an awesome week learning from Him. I’m living very interesting things right now, but I just thought of sharing today about a common feeling that we usually have, the feeling that we’re not loved.
Has it ever happened to you to go through really though times, and to feel like all the people you relied on are letting you down, and to feel like nobody ever understands you and like nobody loves you?
This is a something we don’t usually say out loud but we often keep it deep down inside. “Why does nobody love me?”
Several things can breed such thoughts in our minds. We tend to feel this way when:

• We are disappointed by someone
• We just don’t feel happy with ourselves or with our lives
• We are going through relationship struggles
• We don’t communicate enough with our family members
• We had a bad day
• Our grades suck
• We don’t see any progress at our job
• We feel lonely and we have no one to talk to

The truth is, in general people who think that no body loves them are usually completely wrong. These people have at least one person around them who loves them deeply and greatly cares about them; it may be their parents, or their siblings, a close friend, their spouse etc. but they get so carried away with what’s going on in their minds that they are unable to realize that they are loved.
Actually, the real question you should ask is not “Why does nobody love me?” but “Why does nobody love me unconditionally?”
The word “unconditionally” makes the difference.
Nobody on earth will ever love you “unconditionally”.
Unconditional love is patient, kind, doesn’t envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV)
Let’s be honest, no body can love you like this. Even you when you have the best motivations on earth and you really want to love your spouse or your kid or your best friend or parents you are limited. You are not able on your own to display 24/7 the type of love which only God can display unconditionally, not because God tries to love others, but because God is love, it is His nature. You may be trying to love this way, but God is not trying to love, He is love.
The reason why you feel drained, unloved and unaccepted is because you’ve let your thoughts out of control, and you set expections on others which weren’t meant to be in the first place, and we’re going to talk about these two things in this blogpost.

1. Self-Control And Your Thoughts

A person without self-control is like a house with its doors and windows knocked out.

• No, your significant other won’t always be on time for all your dates
• No, your dad or your mom is not always going to understand all your choices and approve of everything you do
• No, your spouse won’t always be in a mood to tell you how much they love you and to take you out on a date
• Yes, your parents and your siblings are going to miss some of your recitals at school
• No, your husband won’t always understand you

And all these things don’t mean that they don’t love you, or that they don’t really want to love you unconditionally, it just means that on their own they can’t love you unconditionally.
Only God can love you the way you really need to be loved.
Till you are satisfied with God’s love for you, you will never ever feel loved, no matter how hard people try to love you, and in fact your quest for love will push you into destructive and abusive relationships in which you keep pouring out love with hope to be loved back while the other one only exploits your deepest craving to feel loved.
The reason why you feel like nobody loves you, is probably because you haven’t yet accepted in your heart and in your spirit that the love you need to feel complete is the unconditional love of God.
So long as you don’t know this, the devil will keep playing with your mind and you will never feel loved.
On the other hand, when you know that God loves you unconditionally, when you’re able to be on your own with God without needing a relationship or attention to validate your existence, then you are better prepared to learn from God how to show His unconditional love to others through healthy relationships.
It is a long-term process and you won’t always do it the right way, but the first step is acknowledging God’s unconditional love for you as you fight to gain back self-control on your thought life, so that when the devil comes up with his lies about you not being loved, you can reply with God’s Word with the clear affirmation that God loves you unconditionally.
 

2. High Expectations

Coming back to our theory about the fact that we all have a God-shaped hole in our hearts, when we don’t fill this hole with God, we try to fill it with every wrong person.
It is a manifestation of idolatry because we put someone else in a posture that only God can fill. We are giving this person the posture of God in our lives, we are putting our trust in this person to fulfill our deepest needs to be loved unconditionally.
Jeremiah 17: 5-8 NLT

This is what the Lord says: “Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land.
“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.

Don’t get me wrong, the desire for love and intimacy is a godly desire, it has been given to us by God, He created us this way because He is a God of relationships. Nevertheless, he also made it in such a way that no human being and nothing would ever be able to satisfy our thirst for God. It’s good to love your spouse/your parents/your best friend/your significant other, but you can’t expect them to love you like God does, to understand all of your needs like God does, and to always be available for you like God is.
Till God is enough for you no one will ever be.
There are usually two scenarios when you set high expectations which are impossible to meet for others to love you unconditionally

2.1 Right Desire, Nice Person, Frustrated Outcome

Let’s take marriage for example to illustrate this situation, since it’s going to be easier for me.
You meet a nice guy, a really godly man, you both fall in love and you get married. The problem is you expect him to guess all your needs before you even ask, you want him to make you happy all the time (too big burden for this creature of God), you want him to be perfect, to be available for you everytime you need him. Unfortunately for you, though he tries his best, you are never ever ever satisfied. You are always left feeling empty and unhappy, and you always need him more and more to find creative ways to tell you he loves you because you don’t believe it, or you don’t feel loved enough. Do you want to know why you feel this way?
It’s because you have put your trust in man to fulfill all your needs and love you unconditionally. In that desire, you have turned away from God who can fulfill all your needs and love you unconditionally, and you’ve pushed all that on a mere human who doesn’t even know what he needs in the first place, who doesn’t even know how to love himself unconditionally, and you expect him to love you as God only can? Are you serious?
This scenario isn’t only for women. There are men who make their wives to be their god.  They think that all their needs will be met just by marrying her, and then once they get married they feel cheated upon because they still feel empty. Seriously, you need to ask God to fill this hole and to be enough for you, if not, no one will ever be.
When you push all these expectations on your spouse which only God can fulfill, you’re frustrating them, and hurting them because they just can’t be God for you, only God can be enough for you.

2.2. Right Desire, Wrong Person, Frustrated Outcome

Now imagine a girl who is obsessed with marriage. She sees in marriage the final solution for her to feel unconditionally loved and accepted once and for all, but because she is thirsty she attracts the wrong type of men, and these men also come into her life with the desire to fill a hole in their lives.
She ends up meeting a man, she falls in love, she wants to get married, but the man is not into marriage. Since she thinks that marriage will make her feel loved and accepted, she pressurizes him to get married. At the same time, this man thinks he will fill his own hole for love through sex. (Keep in mind that broken people attract broken people)
As such, he pressurizes her to have sex out of wedlock and she pressurizes him to get married. She finally gives in (sinning to please someone else) with the hope that he will marry her and she will finally feel unconditionally loved, but once this man gets sex, his hole is still not filled because he is drinking from the wrong well. Only Jesus Christ can satisfy your deepest need for unconditional love and intimacy.
Nevertheless, because the hole of this man is not filled, he dumps her, he finally doesn’t marry her and she feels even more unloved, and here she comes up with the traditional question “Why does nobody love me?”
Or, he marries her, and she still doesn’t feel loved because marriage is not going to make you feel loved unconditionally, only God can love you unconditionally. So, she gets stuck in a loveless marriage with a man who’s not interested in her, just in her body, and both of them feel miserable because none of them has surrendered to Jesus their need to be unconditionally loved daily.

Conclusion

John 4: 10,13-14 NLT

Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.

We are all thirsty for unconditional love and validation. We need it, but not from people, we need it from God. It is an extra if God surrounds you with people who genuinely love you, but that is not going to complete you. You will feel really loved when you will enjoy unconditional love, and it’s not about giving your life to Christ once and never feeling the need again to be loved unconditionally again.
It just means that now that you’ve surrendered your life to Christ, everytime you feel thirsty for unconditional love, acceptance, validation, you run to Him to quench your thirst, instead of drinking at the wrong well, instead of running from relationship to relationship to quench your thirst for love.

Prayer

Father Lord God Almighty, I confess I made my ………………..(fill in the blank with whatever you turned into an idol ex. boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, best friend, mom, dad, sex, alcohol) an idol and I put my trust in him/her/them/that to fill my God-shaped hole for unconditional love and acceptance. I confess I sinned against You through this, and it pushed me to self-sabotage my life/my relationships and to stay in unhealthy relationships. Lord please help me to quench my thirst at the right well from this day forward, may Your unconditional love be enough for me, in Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.

It’s Now Your Turn

Which part of this blogpost spoke the most to you? Please let me know in the comments section.
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Struggling with the thought that you are unloved is just one of the different battles which takes place in your mind. You need to learn how to tap from God’s Word to receive the necessary resources to win the battle which takes place in your mind. I recommend that you check out this new series by Pastor Steven Furtick at Elevation Church, this series started on 11-12/08/2018, it is a 7 week series and it’s just from starting. You’re going to learn how to take back your mind in the age of anxiety.
All you need to do is tune in on the Youtube channel of Elevation Church every Sunday at any of the following times.

• 14:30 (GMT+1) a.k.a 9:30 am EST
• 16:30 (GMT+1) a.k.a 11:30 am EST

If you feel concerned about your internet connection, watching the whole worship experience with video quality 240 MP should cost you 250 MegaBites. Alternatively, you can download the sermon replay on YouTube on Monday evening.
God loves you so much
God bless you
Victoria Eyog