Hello beloved child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace.
Yesterday we started talking about methods to replace negative thoughts. We started with a method called “Getting a little help from a friend“. In that method, you were to pretend discussing with a friend who had the same problem as yours and the same thoughts with respect to it. You were to write down advice you would give to your friend, and apply this advice to yourself in order to replace the thought.
Today, we’re going further into this topic and we’ll talk of another negative thought replacement method called Traveling to the future.
This method may not work with every single type of negative thought, but it’s worth trying it, and exploring other methods if it doesn’t work.
Method: Traveling To The Future
1. Track your thoughts and write down your most malicious thought concerning a specific event
2. On a scale of 1-100 rate the overall degree to which you are upset and the impact you feel at the moment.
3. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in a week
4. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in six months.
5. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in a year.
6. Re-rate how much impact you’ll feel as a whole.
7. Write a balanced summary replacement thought based on any new perspective you obtain with this strategy.
Example: Traveling To The Future
We’re considering today the example of a Christian mom.
Gracia is happily married to Eric, and they have one child. Today is their daughter’s first day in a Christian private school. Her husband Eric is very busy, but he’s extremely organised and always on time. He’s the one who brings their daughter to school, and they had agreed on Gracia picking up their daughter from school everyday. Today’s her first day in this new school and she knows no one there. Gracia had so many things to do at home (cleaning, cooking etc) that she really missed awareness of the time and ended up leaving home 15 minutes late. In addition to that, there was an accident on the way which completely affected traffic and caused a huge traffic jam. As if it weren’t enough, it started raining outside. She reached her daughter’s school 1h45 minutes late, and all through she was thinking “I’m a bad mom. First day of school and I’m picking up my kid late. She’s probably out in the rain waiting for me. For all her life she will remember how I let her down. All the other moms probably think I’m irresponsible. All the other moms probably are already at home with their kids eating and having fun. I’m a mess, I’m a failure. This is how she’s going to remember school.”
She finally reaches her daughter’s school and sees her completely wet because she was playing under the rain while waiting for her. All the other kids are already at home. Her daughter was the only one left with the school security guard.
Gracia thinks even more “What if something had happened to her here all by herself? What if she falls sick after playing under the rain? I’m a really bad mom. When Eric will see her this way he’ll be so angry at me. He’ll never trust me again”
Gracia uses the method: Traveling To The Future
1. “I’m a bad mom for coming to pick my child late from school on her first day”
2. Upset level: 80
3. One week from now, when I’ll think about this, I’ll probably feel cringy again, but if by that time I’ve gotten used to picking her early I’ll probably feel better about it, and if by that time she hasn’t caught a cold because of this, or if she’s caught a cold but is already healed I’ll feel less upset about it.
4. In the next six months, I’ll probably not even remember this event. It’s just the first day, I can amend myself, and I’m not sure she’s even going to remember it and consider me to be a bad mom. Even the parents who may have judged me for this, they have other things to do with their time and energy, they probably won’t even remember and even if they do, it won’t be such a huge thing in their sight or mine anymore.
5. One year from now, I’ll probably just laugh about it, or I won’t even remember it, and even if I remember it I won’t feel this upset. I would have had more than enough opportunities to pick her up early and to catch up. Eric won’t even remember it in 1 year and even if he does he won’t be upset about it anymore. By the way picking a child late can happen. Perhaps it’s going to happen again in one year and it won’t be this spectacular to me anymore.
6. Finally, I think the overall effect on my life, my parenting skills and my relationship with my daughter and husband will be like 1 on a scale of 100
Gracia’s balanced summary replacement thought :
Even though I wasn’t on time to pick up my daughter from school on her first day in this new school, it’s not the end of the world. In the future, I’ll have more opportunities to catch up and pick her up early. It’s just a one time event, it doesn’t disqualify me from being a good parent. By God’s grace she’s fine and with God’s help I’ll get better at this.
Now that Gracia re-evaluated it with the truth, she’s free and she obviously feels better.
John 8:32 NIV
Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
As previously said, you can’t use this method for everything because obviously, some seemingly small things in the moment have a lasting impact for the rest of your life.
However, there are other little things which our mind enlarges (information reality scramblers) and we give them so much meaning, power and impact on our lives and we let them poison our thoughts.
This method will be extremely useful for you if you usually spend days, weeks and months feeling guilty for little mistakes (spelling errors in your diary, forgetting to feed your dog once, forgetting the keys to your home at your job, not washing your hands before eating, buying an item at a price way too high because you trusted the person and they lied to you etc) really, little mistakes which don’t deserve that you beat yourself up and get depressed for it.
It’s also useful if you want to try something new but you’re afraid of being ridiculed by people. Even if they laugh at you, it doesn’t matter so long as it doesn’t have a lasting impact. What matters is that you do what’s in line with God’s Word and that you try what you want to try so long as it’s not sinful and so long as you believe it will be beneficial. (For example trying a new hairstyle or a new pair of shoes or buying a new house).
Exercise: Traveling To The Future.
Do this in your exercise book
1. Track your thoughts and write down your most malicious thought concerning a specific event
2. On a scale of 1-100 rate the overall degree to which you are upset and the impact you feel at the moment.
3. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in a week
4. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in six months.
5. Think about how your thoughts concerning the event are likely to change in a year.
6. Re-rate how much impact you’ll feel as a whole.
7. Write a balanced summary replacement thought based on any new perspective you obtain with this strategy.
Prayer
Father Lord God Almighty, help me to learn to show grace and mercy to myself instead of condemning myself. For there is no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus. In Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.
It’s Now Your Turn
Don’t forget to do your homework.
Have you ever beaten yourself up for something which didn’t have a long term impact?
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Invitation
Click here if you’re looking for a church. I recommend Elevation Church to you. A wonderful Christ-centered Church in which you aren’t limited by your location and in which you can see what God can do through you.
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God bless you
Victoria Eyog
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