Hello beloved child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace.
Lent is almost over, and since we’ve been talking about depression, I thought it would be nice to talk about depression in the context of relationships and marriage.
In case you’re not married yet, you can adapt the tips which will be mentioned here to your relationships (friendship, engagement, relationship with family).
When someone’s depressed this person fixes their focus on self. In such moments, they’re not really aware of what’s going on around them. As such, they may withdraw from their relationships and their loved ones may believe that they’ve lost interest in them, and that they don’t want to have anything to do with them.
In case you’re the depressed spouse, the depressed fiance, the depressed friend, or the depressed sibling, this blog post is for you.
You’ve probably noticed that your relationship has been affected by your depression. You don’t spend as much quality time with your spouse, and they seem to never understand you.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that your spouse has tried to understand, to ask more about your depression, to cheer you up, but you’ve pushed them away time and again, and they left frustrated because they didn’t know how to cheer you up and make you feel better.
It’s quite exhaustive to try to be there for someone who keeps pushing you away and who is so focused on their depression that they don’t let you in to help them.
Some people just can’t handle trying over and over again to cheer up their depressed person, and they end up giving up. Some couples divorce because the other spouse got tired of trying to “fix” the depressed spouse. (By the way, only God can fix us, not people. So stop trying to fix others and turn to God to fix them).
This blog post is not a list of tips for your loved ones to treat you better since you’re depressed. It’s instead about you, learning to treat your loved ones better, considering the fact that your depression made you difficult to live with.
I’m kind of restraining these tips to the context of marriage but you can apply them to any relationship which you want to maintain despite your depression.
Remember that you have to show the attributes of love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
How Has Depression Affected My Relationship?
The following questions are meant to be answered in your exercise book.
Here, you’ll have to evaluate the impact of depression on your relationship with your spouse.
- Have I withdrawn or pulled back from my relationship? If so, in what ways?
- Am I less affectionate than I used to be? If so, in what ways?
- Am I more irritable or critical than I used to be? If so, in what ways?
- Am I being less caring, giving fewer compliments or being less empathetic? If so, in what ways?
Unfortunately for them, the people closest to us tend to suffer more from our depression than people out there who just hear about what we’re going through.
They’re with us on our gloomy days, they’re around us when we’re angry, sad, anxious, and not fun to speak with.
If you’ve answered the questions above you kind of know the impact of depression on your relationship.
The question which lies before you right now is “Do I want to solve this yes or no?”
If you’ve answered yes to this question, then you’re at the right place because you’re going to get a few tips on how to enhance your relationship with your spouse.
Good relationships start with making the other one feel special and loved. That’s how you should keep things going. It’s like a garden with flowers that you have to keep watering daily, with kind words, compliments, affection, laughter, positive talk and positive actions.
1. Enhance Your Relationship With Your Spouse By Talking With Each Other Daily
Make sure you talk with your spouse everyday, share about your day’s events. If possible have an appointed time for this. At least 20 minutes everyday. Make sure to commit to your meeting time.
1 Corinthians 13:5a NIV
…Love is not self-seeking
Keep in mind that, because you’ve been depressed, the focus was always on you, but now, you need to make your spouse feel loved, so always start the conversation with them and not with you. Listen to your spouse, let him/her speak first, express empathy, love and support (put your smartphone away). After your spouse shares about his/her issues make sure to summarize what he or she said in a positive manner and ask questions if possible. Allocate at least 10 minutes to listen to your spouse. Keep the focus on him/her, not on yourself. Once you’ve finished chatting about him/her, chat about yourself. Make your spouse feel important.
2. Enhance Your Relationship With Your Spouse Through Complimenting Them Daily
Make a list of specific things (at least 12 things) you love about your spouse, and make sure that you share one of those things with your spouse everyday.
Make it look natural and keep it creative.
Keep complimenting your spouse every single day, even if they’re not comfortable at first. Keep complimenting them for the way they do things, the way they speak, the way they behave.
3. Enhance Your Relationship With Your Spouse Through Positive Actions
Have a little chat with your spouse and share with each other simple actions which will make each of you feel loved. It can be as simple as cooking dinner earlier, or calling each other throughout the day, or visiting family over the weekend.
Write them down, practice them daily and keep encouraging each other when you do it, and don’t be too critical when your spouse fails, just keep praying and working on these things.
4. Enhance Your Relationship With Your Spouse By Reading The Bible Together And Praying Together
This is the most important point.
Have you ever heard this saying? “Couples which pray together stay together”
Depression is definitely not easy to live with, but you can connect with each other and with God as you’re reading The Bible together and praying together.
This is something so intimate and so beautiful, and it will ultimately improve the quality of your relationship.
Everything being said, don’t just keep this blog post in your brain, put it in practice.
Your spouse will be skeptical at first especially if you’ve been extremely self-centered lately, but start little by little and do all this prayerfully, and you’ll see how God will bless your efforts and your relationship will grow even more.
Prayer
Father Lord God Almighty, I thank You for my marriage, I thank You for my relationships. Help me Lord to invest in my marriage in a way which glorifies Your Name and to keep You at the center of my relationship. Help me to not remain focused on myself but to make my spouse feel loved. Bless my spouse for his/her efforts in our relationship in Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.
It’s Now Your Turn
Has depression affected your relationship with your spouse or with a loved one?
Please let us know in the comments section.
Please don’t forget to share this blog post on your social media accounts and to invite your friends and family members to join us as we’re waging war against depression. You may save a life by sharing.
If you’ve not done it yet, subscribe to my Newsletter so as not to miss any post on depression and also, make sure to invite anyone whom you know is suffering from depression.
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If you’re asking yourself how to become a Christian and how to surrender your life to Jesus Christ, you can click on this link to invite The Lord Jesus Christ into your life to be your Lord and Savior and to confess your sins to Him.
Invitation
Click here if you’re looking for a church. I recommend Elevation Church to you. A wonderful Christ-centered Church in which you aren’t limited by your location and in which you can see what God can do through you.
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God bless you
Victoria Eyog
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