Hi everyone, I hope you’re all fine by God’s grace. Previously, we talked about “5 Types of Friends ” and now we are involved in looking at how to deal with them. Yesterday we say how to deal with a friend who’s the “life of the party”. Today, we intend to talk about how to deal with a friend who sees him/her self as perfect.
I guess each and everyone of us has at least a friend or a sibling who’s that way (and if you can’t figure out who’s that person in your life then maybe you’re the one). Mr./Mrs.Perfect may generally appear as someone who has good skills, who is very qualified, down to earth, reasonable and wise. When you’re in a relationship with him/her, everything seems to go on smoothly (you feel understood and you see them as reasonable people), so long as you never enter an argument or never disagree on an opinion.
From the very moment where you don’t agree with Mr. /Mrs. Perfect, you start noticing an other aspect of the relationship. Mr. /Mrs.Perfect is never wrong, and never makes mistakes. He/she corrects everybody, but isn’t easily corrected. He/she always has a strong opinion about things, and it is never enough for you to just get their point you also have to approve it. If you do not approve Mr. /Mrs. Perfect considers you as the source of conflict in the relationship, for refusing to agree with him/her. Mr. /Mrs. Perfect rarely apologizes, and even when they apologize, they never truly recognize their fault, they’re most often the ones who say “I am responsible only for what I said not for what you’ve interpreted”. They’re always right and you are always wrong (except when you are “wise” enough to agree with them unconditionally). Both of you can’t be right, one of you has to be wrong and it must be you, never Mr./Mrs . Perfect.
Interestingly, Mr. /Mrs. Perfect may never realize or accept that they’re that way. Rather, they may consider that others are playing Mr./Mrs.Perfect, but not them.
The nice thing about having a Mr. /Mrs. Perfect friend is that you’ll never lack reasons to argue (everyday if possible, mostly if you love arguments). Also, they may give you reasonable advice (but not always, remember that it’s not because they think and or say they are perfect that they really are). The greatest inconvenience in having a Mr./Mrs.Perfect friend is that with time you lose your character and self confidence, and start defining your life and your standard with respect to him/her. At that moment you kind of make them a god in your life. This will only frustrate you when you try to apply what they “preach” and it doesn’t work out as expected/ they don’t congratule you as you thought they would/ they end up not even putting in practice everything they told you to do.
Here’s how to deal with Mr. /Mrs. Perfect
1. Let The Word of God be your standard
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Romans 12:2 KJV
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Define what is right or wrong not with respect to someone else (no matter how much you admire him/her or no matter how much this person may sound perfect). Let The Word of God teach you what is right or wrong, what is acceptable, what is the perfect will of God. The world and people around you should never be your standard (this will only frustrate you). Let God be your standard.
2. Take reasonable distances
Jeremiah 17:5 NIV
This is what the Lord says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord .
I am not forcefully talking about physical distances. I am first of all talking about distances in your mind. Break that “perfect” image you had of this person, stop considering them as your “idol” (if you did). Make it clear that both of you are separate entities and are different. Have it clearly inscribed in your mind that you are allowed to have your opinion and to disagree with Mr./Mrs. Perfect. Trust yourself more, don’t throw your character and your opinions to the dustbin just because they differ from those of your friend. Accept to be different, so long as you focus on serving God.
3. Don’t waste your time arguing with them
Titus 3:10-11 NIV
Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. You may be sure that such people are warped and sinful; they are self-condemned.
You need not to harass them in order to convince them. In fact, the more you’ll try to convince them, the more they’ll try to convince you because they can never be wrong. When you’ve made you point once to twice, let go. (For further information you can read the posts: When you fail to agree part 1 and When you fail to agree part 2).
4. Forgive them and find a way to love them as they are
Matthew 6:14-15 KJV
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: [15] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Understand that they aren’t forcefully aware of the impact of their “strong personality” on you. They may not know that you feel oppressed, that you feel like your opinion never matters, and that you’ve started doubting yourself. They may not know how often they disappoint you by not applying all what they ask you to apply in your own life. Just forgive them as God forgave you and learn to love them as they are. God loves you and accepted you with all your flaws, the same grace and love you have received, you should learn to give.
Ephesians 2:4-5 NIV
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
5. Take responsibility for yourself
Make a decision to think for yourself and become independent from them. Surely, they have an impact on you, but that impact is only because you let them have their way. Decide to stand up for your self and embrace who you are in The Lord. Show yourself as you are in The Lord, not trying to copy what others do not to impose what you do. Just be yourself in The Lord.
Romans 12:3 KJV
[3] For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
6. Make a self-evaluation
Matthew 7:12 KJV
Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets
You may complain of having a Mr. /Mrs. Perfect in your life, while someone else may complain about you being Mr. /Mrs. Perfect in their lives. You may not be able to change your friends who think they are “perfect” but you can change yourself (if you are a Mr. /Mrs. Perfect) in order not to inflict to others what you don’t like to be inflicted on you.
Prayer
Lord God Almighty please open my eyes that I may see who I’ve been hurting by never accepting when I am wrong. Give me patience, to love my friends with their flaws and wisdom to learn to be independent from them, showing myself as I am in The Lord. In Jesus Christ’s Name I pray. Amen
Thanks for reading.
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God bless you all.
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