Matthew 5:23‭-‬24 NIV

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Hello beloved child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace.

I hope you’ve had a blessed week in The Lord. As for me, I’m grateful for this week.

Today, I would like us to talk about the right way to apologise.

I think this would really help our relationships, to be able to reconcile with our friends, loved ones and brothers and sisters in Christ that we hurt and who hurt us.

Matthew 5:23‭-‬24 NIV

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

So, we’re going to look at the process of reconciliation and the right way to apologise.

So let’s imagine a simple scenario. Let’s say a husband and his wife, Carl and Amy. They were chatting about something, and suddenly they started getting loud and angry, each one said something which offended the other and finally they both left the room angry to go to different halls in the house.

Obviously, they’re husband and wife, they love each other, they want to obey God’s will, they want their marriage to thrive in The Lord, as such they want to be reconciled.

Apologies will be needed, yeah but someone needs to start the process of reconciliation.

So let’s say, the husband Carl decides to go up to his wife in order to initiate the reconciliation process.

1. Pray That God May Touch Their Heart

Proverbs 21:1 NIV

In the Lord ’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that He channels toward all who please Him.

This step is the number one step.

It is the rate determining step. It is the essential part.

God wants your relationships to thrive, while the devil wants to destroy your relationships.

Anger, pride, offense, and other negative feelings can get in the way when you come to reconcile with your loved one. That’s why you have to start by praying so that God may touch and prepare their heart for that.

This is important, so that your next efforts will not be in vain.

2. Hey Can We Talk About What Happened?

1 Corinthians 13: 4c NIV

Love is not proud

This is one of the most bold steps. Going up to the one you hurt and the one who hurt you and asking to talk about it.

Why is it so important?

It’s important because you need to hear what the person has to say and you need to listen to them, in order to understand what you said and/or did which hurt them.

Talking about it will help you to be able to tell them too what annoyed you, and what you didn’t appreciate.

The big thing in communication is to understand each other.

You should do this when you’re calm and both ready to have a conversation.

3. This Is How I Felt When…

1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It’s very important to share about your feelings without judging each other.

You’re not there to accuse each other, but to understand each other.

The person you’re speaking with will be more open to accept your apologies when they would have understood that you know how they feel.

In the same way, this person will be more open to apologise when they know how you felt about what they did.

That’s why you have to open up to each other and to clearly say how you felt.

It’s not about saying “You did this , you did that, you said this, you said that as such you are this kind of person, you are wicked, you don’t care about me”, try to avoid focusing it on them, instead, talk about how you felt.

For example “I felt sad when you said of x, y, I felt abandonned” etc.

4. I’m Sorry For

1 Corinthians 13:5‭-‬6 NIV

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Here we go, the most interesting and most important part is how you apologise.

You can’t just say, I’m sorry, or I apologise. You have to give the reasons why you apologise.

Let me give you some hints. All you need to do is to use the information the person gave you about why they felt hurt when you said this or that thing . You use that information to apologise.

5. What Can We Do Now?

1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Love always perseveres

Once you’ve apologized to each other, you have to think of how to fix the cause of the argument.

This is the best way to reconcile, because by telling each other how you felt, you understood the problem. Now all you have to do is to find a solution for it together, so that each one is at peace.

You just need to know the needs of each other and to find a way to meet those needs.

So now that we’ve seen the five points let’s go back to our couple Amy and Carl who were angry with each other.

Here’s the scenario.

Pray that God may touch their heart

Carl: Father Lord God Almighty after my conflict with Amy, I want to reconcile with her. Please Lord melt her heart, touch her heart so that the conversation may be fruitful and that we may reconcile in Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.

Can We Talk About What Happened Last Time?

Carl: Honey, can we talk about what happened a few moments ago?

Amy: Yeah, for sure

This Is How I Felt When

Carl: When we were discussing, you said something about me not being present enough at home.

Amy: Yeah I remember saying that, and that’s what I think.

Carl: When you said that, I felt really bad. I got angry because I had the impression that you didn’t appreciate the fact that I’m working hard at my office for you. I’m just trying to provide for our family. I would really love to spend more time with you. It hurts to have the impression that the person for whom you’re working so hard doesn’t even notice that you’re doing it for her.

Amy: Really? You’re doing this for me?

Carl: Yeah, all I want is to make sure that you don’t lack anything. That’s why I work hard and leave the house early to come back home late at night. When you said I’m not present enough, I really felt like a failure.

Amy: Actually, I got angry at you and I raised my voice because I had the impression that you didn’t understand how I felt. I’m all by myself here at home without you. When you come home you’re so tired that you just eat and go to bed, and you leave so early after our morning prayer, that I can’t even chat with you. I feel like we’re not connecting with each other. I thought you didn’t understand that. It makes me feel so sad that we can’t connect emotionally everyday.

Carl: Wow, I didn’t know that you felt like we didn’t connect anymore.

I’m Sorry For

Carl: I’m sorry for screaming a few hours ago. I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t understand your feelings.

Amy: I’m sorry too for raising my voice. I’m sorry for giving you the impression that I didn’t value your efforts for me at work

Carl: Thank you Amy, I’m sorry for not letting you know that I’m working so hard just because of you. I’m sorry because we aren’t connecting emotionally as we used to do before. I’m sorry for how sad it makes you feel.

What Can We Do Now?
Carl: What can we do now to fix the situation?

Amy: I don’t know. All I need is to have emotional connection with you everyday.

Carl: Okay, I have a 2 hours break every day at work. During that time I usually just chat with my colleagues. Can I call you everyday at that time so that we can chat with each other and connect emotionally?

Amy: Oh, I would love that, please do so.

Carl: Okay honey

Amy: As for me, I will make sure to tell you thank you everyday for your efforts for us. To show you that I’m grateful for the hard work you’re doing for us, and to welcome you with a smile when you come home, so that you can relax after a long day.

Carl: This would be so good. Thank you Amy

Amy: Thank you too Carl

Carl: I love you Amy

Amy: I love you too Carl


The closer you are to someone, the easier it is to hurt the person even if it’s not intentional.

Our relationships can be built or destroyed. We have a part to play in that. When you value the relationship, you have to take steps to apologise the right way and to draw even closer to each other. Ask to talk about it with the person concerned, tell them about how you feel and how you felt during the argument, listen to how they feel without contradicting them about how they feel, apologise sincerely and finally, look for solutions so that both of you will be appeased.

God shed His love in our hearts through His Holy Spirit, and if we submit to Him He’ll help us resolve our conflicts with love and respect.

Romans 5:5 NIV

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.


Father Lord God Almighty, integrate these principles in my heart, so that whenever I have a conflict with someone, that I may be open enough to go up to them afterwards to discuss about it, to tell them how I felt, to listen to how they felt, to apologise genuinely and to find solutions together to solve the underlying issue in complete love and respect, in Jesus Christ’s Name. Forgive me Lord for the times where I didn’t treat others with love during and after a conflict. Help me get better at reconciliation. In Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.

It’s Now Your Turn

Do you want to try these reconciliation tips with someone?

Here’s your homework. Use these tips with everyone with whom you’ll have a conflict this week and with everyone with whom you had an unresolved conflict before reading this post.

May God touch their hearts.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog post please subscribe to my Newsletter so as not to miss any new post.

Also, please consider sharing this blog post on all your social media accounts.


Click here if you’re looking for a church. I recommend Elevation Church to you. A wonderful Christ-centered Church in which you aren’t limited by your location and in which you can see what God can do through you. We’re in new series right now ” Maybe:God ” on discerning God’s Will.

If you’ve enjoyed reading this blog post please subscribe to my Newsletter so as not to miss any new post.

Also, please consider sharing this blog post on all your social media accounts.

Thank you for reading


Leave a Reply