Hello beloved child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace.Yesterday we talked about the importance of knowing our fears, today we want to start learning how to defeat your fears.
Job 3:25 ESV
For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me.
Luke 10:19 ESV
Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you.
We’ll start by studying our fears in detail. For this, let’s look at an example I adapted from the Anxiety and Depression Workbook for Dummies.
Example: Study Your Fears
Jonathan is a Christian. He’s active in his local church, and he’s faithful in his walk with God. He keeps praying to find a spouse and to get married but he’s especially shy when it comes to women and courting. He has a number of good female friends at work and especially at church. However, he trembles at the thought of asking someone out. He tries Christian dating websites and finds that engaging in conversations via e-mail is pretty easy. But he stops short of setting up a face-to-face meeting for fear of rejection. Jonathan really wants to get married, so this year, he promised himself to overcome this fear. His first step is to work through studying his fear.
1. How does your anxiety or fear begin?
The mere image of picking up the phone to ask a woman out scares me to death. Even when I’m conversing with women, my anxiety can get triggered. The other day, I got nervous when I talked to a good-looking woman who just joined our church.2.
2. What activities do you avoid? Obviously, I haven’t had a date in a long time. I avoid talking to available women. I avoid calling them on the phone. I even avoid the church volunteers’ lunchroom with the excuse that I have too much work to do. My shyness seems to be getting worse, and lately I’m avoiding meeting and talking with new people, even guys.
3. What other situations or activities could your fear conceivably involve?
The whole relationship thing worries me. If I did get a date, I wouldn’t know what to do or what to say. And I wouldn’t know when to make an advance — that’s really scary. The one brief relationship I had in college really hurt me, she turned down my proposal and married another man. I worry that if I were to find someone, she’d just reject me, too. Heck, I can hardly even ask for directions from a woman.
4. Do you use any “crutches” or aids to get through what makes you anxious, such as drugs or alcohol?Do you lean on other people to do what’s too hard for you to do? Do you try to distract yourself with songs, rituals, or chants?
I have a prescription for a tranquilizer. I take one of those sometimes before I have to talk with a woman. At work I avoid committees and meetings and let my co-workers cover for me.
5. What bad outcomes do you envision occuring if you were to face your fear?In other words, what are the worst imaginable scenarios?
If I try to ask someone out, I imagine my voice shaking and not being able to speak. I would look like a fool. My stomach would churn, and I’d sweat like a pig. And if I did go out on a date, she’d probably laugh in my face or walk away before the evening was over. If someone was crazy enough to go out with me more than once, she’d no doubt break my heart.
Now, Jonathan breaks down his fear in little pieces and classifies these pieces by order of increasing fear, rating from 1-100
1. Asking for help from a female clerk (25)
2. Eating lunch in the volunteers’ lunchroom and talking with the people there (35)
3. Imagining asking someone for a date and being turned down rudely (45)
4. Volunteering to be on the social committee at work and going to the meetings (55)
5. Volunteering at the food bank and talking with female volunteers there (60)
6. Having a conversation with a woman I don’t know (65)
7. Going to a party (70)
8. Going to the singles’ hiking club (75)
9. Calling someone on the phone for a date (75)
10. Taking a public speaking class at the Adult Continuing Education Center and talking with as many of the students as I can (80)
11. Asking someone out on a date in person (85)
12. Picking someone up I’ve asked out on a date (90)
Now, we have a staircase of fears.
Exercise: Study Your Fears
It’s now your turn.Pick one of your fears which is a real threat to your life and to your well-being.Just like Jonathan, answer the questions above and break down your fear in little pieces and in order of increasing fear rating.
NB: Keep in mind that defeating your fears will imply exposing yourself to what makes you anxious. In psychology we call this exposure response therapy. Nevertheless, you will not be asked to expose yourself to anything sinful or ungodly. Keep this in mind as you choose which fear you are going to work on.
Tomorrow God-willing we will learn how to use information we got through studying our fears in order to defeat those fears.
Conclusion
In Christ Jesus you can defeat your fears. Break them down little by little and get ready to take action steps against them.
Prayer
Father Lord God Almighty, I want to live with the belief that nothing can harm me because You are for me and not against me. Help me defeat my fears in Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.
It’s Now Your Turn
Which fear did you choose to work on through the exercise above?
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Invitation
Click here if you’re looking for a church. I recommend Elevation Church to you. A wonderful Christ-centered Church in which you aren’t limited by your location and in which you can see what God can do through you.
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God bless you
Victoria Eyog
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