Hello beloved child of God, I hope you’re fine by God’s grace, and I hope you’ve had a great day.
Yesterday we shared about distorted thinking, and your assignment was to give examples of information Reality Scramblers out of your own life. I hope you did that.
Yesterday we talked about self-judging Reality Scramblers and one of those was critical comparisons.
Today, I think it would be nice to talk about comparison, and the link between comparison and depression.
Philippians 4:11-13 NIV
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Comparison has a lot to do with expectations.
Comparison is a consideration or estimate of the similarities or differences between two things or people. For example, when you compare your marriage or your income with that of someone else, you look out for the similarities, but especially for the differences between both.
When you compare with someone who’s apparently doing less good than you, you feel secure, you feel better. However, when you compare with someone who’s apparently doing better than you, you feel insecure and you feel bad.
The bad news is there’ll always be someone who has (or at least seems to have) more of something than you.
- A better marriage
- A more united family
- Better friends
- More self-control
- “A greater relationship/intimacy with God”
- “More answered prayers than you”
- Greater sources of income
- Better skills
When you are exposed to such a person, you compare and you feel insecure and miserable. You can even get into depression because of that.
Social media really helps us with this because people will boast of their achievements and of how perfect their life, their relationship with God, their marriage, their finances, their families are, and this will only remind you of what’s not working as you would want it to work in your life.
Perhaps if everyone’s life “sucked” as yours you would feel less bad, but when you see how others thrive where you’re failing, it hurts.
In fact, it hurts even more when those are your brothers and sisters in Christ because you may begin questioning
- What did I not do that they did?
- Didn’t I fast? Didn’t I tithe? Don’t I serve in Church just like they do?
- Does God love them more than me?
- Does God just remember some people and forget others?
What’s even more depressing is when you had the impression that you were living a more “holy life” than they, or that you’ve been walking with God longer than them, but you see favour in their life which you expected in yours which didn’t come
- “My spouse and myself served God for all our lives and we don’t have kids yet, but people who just surrendered their lives to Jesus and just got married are having kids”
- “I’ve been tithing since I’m a child but I’m still not out of debt, while this guy is just from becoming a Christian, started tithing and he’s already out of debt“
I could come up with many more examples but I think you’ve got it now.
Your question may be “I know it’s not fair to compare. I know I shouldn’t , but I just feel so bad, what can I do about it?”
Delete all your social media accounts!
Sorry I’m kidding 😂
I know that not everyone can delete all their social media accounts, often because you use them for business. I use mine to share God’s Word but honestly, I want to delete all my social media accounts. If you don’t have any obligation on social media, delete it and take a break from all this overload of information on how much other peoples’ lives are doing great and not yours. Most people on social media lie anyhow. Take a break and focus just on God and what He’s doing in your life right now.
You may say “Even if I delete all my social media accounts, there are still people in real life I may compare myself to”
Yes, I totally agree but it will be less, and the few people you’ll compare yourself with, you’ll have more time to work on the following exercise each time you compare yourself with someone.
Exercise: My Comparison Alternative Exercise
1. Tune in to what you’re telling yourself when you feel upset and compare yourself with others
2. List those statements in the left hand column
3. Come up with alternative perspectives and record them in the right hand column. Here, you have to acknowledge and appreciate your own strengths, weaknesses and chosen priorities. That is contentment. Looking at what you have, what God gave you and appreciating it.
| Critical Comparison | Comparison Alternative |
| My best friend has done a lot better than me in her career | Well, she has but I’ve done fine. I get to do a job that I like and to spend time with my family and that’s a real priority. |
| When I went to my friend’s house for her baby shower, I noticed that she was just from redoing all the decoration of every single room in her house. I felt so jealous. Our home hasn’t been repainted and decorated for years. | There was nothing wrong with the painting and decoration of my home before that baby shower. The painting is still nice, and I love my decoration. The atmosphere of the home is great. |
| I went to our ex-classmates Reunion and I noticed that everyone else was married except me | Yeah, I’m not married yet but I’m growing in my relationship with God and I’m learning more about myself everyday. I’m more emotionally stable than I was before and I know God is preparing me to be a great spouse. |
From the examples above, you can make your own table and give your mind alternatives to comparison.
Conclusion
Paul said he learned to be content whatever the circumstances. That’s a lesson I want to learn from him.
When I compare myself with others, I don’t have all the elements of their lives in mind. I just work with what I see.
The problem with comparison is that my focus is shifted on the lives of others and not on my own life and what God is doing in my life. This stops me from being content.
However, there is a way to reverse comparison and to shift the focus back to me and to what God is doing in my life and being grateful for what God is doing in my life.
Prayer
Father Lord God Almighty, help me reverse the cycle of comparison in my life and to actually look at all what You are doing in my life and to be grateful. In Jesus Christ’s Name. Amen.
It’s Now Your Turn
Fill your comparison alternative table.
In which aspect of your life do you usually have the tendency to compare ? (Finances, relationships, family) please let us know in the comments section
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Invitation
Click here if you’re looking for a church. I recommend Elevation Church to you. A wonderful Christ-centered Church in which you aren’t limited by your location and in which you can see what God can do through you.
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God bless you
Victoria Eyog
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